Pour Me Wine Festival

After a one hour commute this morning to travel 11 miles (average speed = well, huh!, 11 MPH, ain't math funny?) I arrived at my desk to find this Escalated Incident sitting in my Inbox:

"The detail_deleted_so_nobody_sues_Coach update query is taking long time and failing after it eaches UNDO retention. This query needs to optimize in order to complete. Based on execution stats (find the attachment), it requires around 60hrs of undo retention."

Now, you may be thinking "Of course we don't understand that, Coach. We don't work in your field." To which I must reply, I assure you, I have no more inkling of what this means than any of you do. I couldn't spot an undo retention from a water retention, though I rather imagine myself going through some sort of UNDO procedure myself if I can't get out of this hell-hole of a job.

This week I am assigned to cover this Escalated Incidents list which is the list of tasks that are too hard for even the Technical Support people to figure out. On top of being the point person for this joyful activity, I also have a big test I'm supposed to be running on a brand new server which took me an entire day to install which leaves me 6 days to execute more than 200 test cases. Oh, and get a proxy server installed and running somewhere between my test machine and the server. I assure you, friends, I know as much about proxy servers as you do. Probably less. It could take me another day or 2 to figure out how to install one. Meanwhile, I could have all kinds of retentions undoing themselves in my Inbox.

So what's a Coach to do?

Why, procrastinate by writing this blog entry, of course.

One of my favorite astrology sites claimed that today was supposed to be one of my Power Days. The only thing I feel right now is a powerful urge to run away and hide in a big echo-y cave with a lifetime supply of k-rations and a Bunson burner.

You might think I could fix my eyes on the prize of an at-home Pour Me Wine Festival this evening but no such luck. I have 5 dozen bat, cat, witch, and moon shaped sugar cookies to frost and decorate tonight for tomorrow's big Halloween shindig at Jujube's preschool, which reminds me... Lunch Break today (you know, that thing I don't get anymore unless my boss is working from home, sh!) my mission, whether or not I choose to accept it, is to find and purchase orange colored decorating sugar and chocolate jimmies (sprinkles, to those of you who are New Englandly challenged).

And as if all this weren't enough to send Coach running right out the front door of the office building into Interstate 95 traffic, my cubicle neighbor smells like Baby Powder. I utterly
DESPISE
the smell of baby powder.

So, poor, poor me...
a nice 20 oz. Reidel balloon of Quivira Zinfandel. I love a good Whine Festival.